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My Mom, The World’s Most Annoying Travel Companion

Waiting at, what my mom erroneously refers to as the airport "carousel." Whoever heard of carousel without wooden horses and kids throwing up?! What a rip!

Frankly, I was ready for a summer vacation. The rigors of preschool were taking their toll. The endless hours playing with my friends in the “Dress Up Corner,” the relentless arts and crafts, dance parties and sing-alongs. I was beat.

Of course my control-freak mom decided where we were going on our trip. I suggested we travel under the sea and visit Ariel but instead we ended up going to Seattle. Whatever.

I’ve got to admit, this time traveling was way easier than last August when my mom tried to force me on the potty in an airport bathroom on a layover to Maine. Seriously, I’m scarred for life.

I’m a year older now so my mom let me deal with my own luggage. I packed only the essentials: my magnetic fish puzzle, a Rapunzel dress shop, a LeapFrog game console, dad’s broken cellphone, seven of my favorite rocks and a wind-up plastic pig. My mom on the other hand packed such pointless items as clothes, shoes and toothbrushes.

Just to be clear: Spending my off time with someone who’s 40 years older than me isn’t my idea of a good time.

The first day we visited the Space Needle. That’s when she really started getting on my nerves. When we reached the top she kept breathlessly exclaiming, “Look at the view Lily!” Lady, unless the view is a field of chocolate ice cream cones and rainbow sprinkles I could really give a rat’s ass. I guess by her age, she’s excited to still able to see anything.

The next leg of our trip brought us to an island off the coast of Washington. Of course we had no reservations for any lodgings before we arrived. My mom hates to plan when she travels. I think it gives her the illusion of her carefree days before I was born – or she’s just stupid. Anyway as I was waiting for her to figure out where we were going to crash she told me that one place that did have a vacancy said ‘no pets or children.’  Excuse me? As a kid who no longer pees on the floor I take offense. It is the worst kind of discrimination to compare me to a pet. Mom finally did find a cute place that allowed kids but no pets. I showed them. The next day when my mom and I went clamming on the beach I saved one of the clams and named him Justin. I made him a little home under the hotel bed and left him there.  Take that Harbor Inn!