The Tooth Fairy Can Kiss My Ass

Leave a comment

notes

On the left, my very well-crafted and polite note to the tooth fairy. On the right, her bullshit response.

Last night the Teeth Buy Back program I’ve been participating in for the last couple years didn’t go as planned — And NOT because I only got 5 lousy bucks for a big front tooth instead of $20 like that 3rd grader,  Josselyn claimed.  No, it was because the Tooth Fairy didn’t even have the courtesy to wake me up as I requested so I could talk to her. [See note above] Apparently she was too busy to meet with a client who has consistently supplied her with pearly whites for the past 2 years. She’s like a tooth-junkie, always after her next fix. Am I the only kid who has Lindsey Lohan as their tooth fairy?!

I don’t know what the big deal would have been– it would’ve been a quick conversation. I just wanted to ask her a few questions like: Why are all the notes she leaves written on the same paper and glitter glue we have in my art box? And why are the envelopes sprayed with what smells like my mother’s perfume?  And finally,  why doesn’t she look into another line of work that doesn’t involve skulking people’s houses at night collecting dead things that fall out of kid’s mouths? Yuck.

The truth is,  I think some weird sh*t is going on — either some diminutive fairy is stealing my art supplies and my mom’s perfume  OR someone from inside the house is f*cking with my head. I will keep you posted.

Advertisements

Author: Lily

4 year old blogger

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s