I hear a lot of parents complaining that they can’t manage to get out of the house on time to get their kids to school. And by “a lot of parents” I mean mine.  Of course all the bitching is usually aimed at the kid, when in fact it’s the moms and dads that can’t get their shit together.

If your morning routine becomes a daily F.U.B.A.R. take my advice…

1) Make mom lay out her work clothes the night before
Listening to someone whining they have “nothing to wear” is beyond irritating.  Here’s a tip: Who gives a shit what you wear?!  Nobody at your job is checking your ass out…that’s what the 20-year-old receptionist is for. And if you’re trying to ‘dress to impress’ you can give that a rest too…you’re a mom now, chances of you getting a promotion is pretty much nil.

2) Make sure they have their cellphone before leaving the house
You’d think they shoved it out of their own whoo-hoo…that’s how attached moms (and dads) are to their cellphone. No matter how close you get to your school if that dummy forgot their “smart phone” you’ll  be heading back home to look for it. Then you get to sit on the couch and watch while they tear apart the house and desperately “call” it from their land line AKA that other phone they never, ever use.

3) DON’T let them turn on their computer
Parents CANNOT keep track of time if they have their laptop open. Period.  If you have any hope of leaving the house unplug their power source, type randomly on their keyboard or threaten to light yourself on fire. If  they still won’t look up, make use of your down time and smear your mom’s favorite Body Shop lotion all over your baby dolls.

Have any tips to get your parents out the door. Tell me!