5 Ways to Get Lazy Ass Parents Out of Bed

Posted: August 26, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I don't know which is worse...trying to get my parents our of bed or when they fall asleep in mine.

My morning routine usually goes something like this: I wake up around 6 a.m. refreshed and ready to greet the day. I then race into my parents’ room and with unbridled joy begin bouncing on their bed. What do I invariably find? Two giant fleshy sloths snoring away like chain saws.

What a freaking buzzkill.

For most of us, getting parents out of bed  is no easy task.  Heard of  a book called Go the F*ck to Sleep?  How about one titled,  Wake the F*ck Up. Guaranteed if preschoolers had any income, we’d make it a bestseller.

Seriously, parents will do anything to stay in bed … in order to prolong their slumber my mom and dad employ the pathetic trick of asking me if I want to “cuddle” with them. Yeah, right. Snuggle up, as you fall back asleep and drool all over my head? Sorry, I’ll pass.

So how do you get parents out of the sack without all the bullsh*t? Here are a few tips:

Maintain a firm wake up time
Even if you feel like you could just play in your room and give mom and dad a few extra minutes of sleep,  don’t give in. Parents need to understand that the life they had before you were born is over. That means never sleeping in again until the year 2028. Ever.

Give them a 2 minute warning
Warn your parent that wake-up is in two minutes, or give him a choice — “Do you want to get up now or now?”

Keep consistent wake up time rituals.
One morning don’t  try to awaken dad by affixing stickers to his face and another  serenade mom with some significant audio from your Leap Frog Leapster. Make sure to wake up both of them same way. It’s only fair.

Reward them!
If you can manage to get them out of the sack  show them your appreciation by drawing them a beautiful picture of a flowers or a trucks!  Then be sure to shove it under their bleary-eyed faces while they’re waiting for their coffee to brew. Take this time to explain to them, in detail, your thought process for color and composition.  Do not accept, “Not now” as a response.

Read to Them
Who doesn’t like to be awoken to a nice book? Even if you don’t know how to read you can still recite what you remember from your favorite stories. I find the most impaction to be Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed. Works like a charm.

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Comments
  1. Trish says:

    My boys are 7 and 10 and their favorite way to get us out of bed is starting a loud wrestling match just outside our bedroom door. Works like a charm.

  2. Ashli says:

    I think it is so sweet of you to lead by example and get out of bed on your own first. My three year old son just yells from his bed “MOOOMMAAY! Come get meeee! It’s wake up time!!!

  3. sickmomma says:

    My nearly 7-year-old daughter uses Ashli’s son’s method. Luckily, the one she yells for is my husband, not me. It’s one of the few advantages of being mom to a daddy’s girl! :)

  4. aah choo says:

    My three year old nephew would unceremoniously empty the contents of the fridge if my sister didn’t wake before him.

  5. mochashake623 says:

    This blog is hilarious!

  6. refundking says:

    My kids know not to even bother getting me out of bed, I’m the worst. Thank G-D my wifes an early bird.

  7. Amy says:

    When did my kids learn to blog?!

  8. harkheindzel says:

    funny. as i always get amazed whenever i read your post

  9. Margaret says:

    I live in terror of the day my oldest learns to open the bedroom door!

  10. [...]  Does she scoop me up and smother me with kisses of gratitude? Does she praise my resourcefulness? Nope. She FREAKS. According to her the t-shirt got into the rag bag by mistake!  This shirt, she says, was some sort of “memory” from her days when she did stand-up comedy in the 90’s. Hard to believe my mom was involved in anything having to do with standing up. Most of the time she’s sprawled out on the couch whining about how tired she is. [...]

  11. thank goodness my husband is an early bird because I hate being woken up at like 5am by having a transformer shoved up my nose, true story.

  12. Renata says:

    My little one’s M.O. was to pitter patter down the hall and stare at me (her face close to mine as she was as tall as my bedside at the time) until i opened an eye then she would say “Hi Mom!” in a loud little kid *not inside* voice. This meant I was immediately to hop out of bed and PLAY. No ramp up time allowed. Awake? PLAY!

  13. Dillon rules says:

    It’s 11am and my mum is still saying “I don’t know when I’m getting up. GO AWAY!!!”

  14. madday madday says:

    My parents never wake up!!! It bothers the heck out of ME!! Its already 9:35a.m I feel like Im living in an alone nightmare!!!!!

  15. [...] 5 Ways to Get Lazy Ass Parents Out of Bed by Lily who is apparently The Honest Toddler in 3+ [...]

  16. Meredith says:

    You could also poke them in the eye or gently scream in their ear. It’s also helfpul to learn how to work that fancy remote control as early as possible so you can just skip the TV middle-men (Mom and Dad) and turn it on yourself.

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